Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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