The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
