I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
