Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
