The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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