Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
