The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
