For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
