He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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