I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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