its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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