His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
