Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
