ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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