Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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