there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
