I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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