My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
