She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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