So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
