I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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