Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
