I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
