If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
