That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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