508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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