New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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