Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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