May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've blown a few things in my day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
