Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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