God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
