I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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