Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
