Where is the hickey?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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