They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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