The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
