I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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