is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
