Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
