i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
