so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
