I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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