I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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