my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
