before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
