I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize