If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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