As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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