Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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