i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
