i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am one with the molecules
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
