she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
