I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I only lived at night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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