i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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