I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
