Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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