I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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