Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
