So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
