just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
