My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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