trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
