my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
