I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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