I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
