I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
