it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
