Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
