Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.

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  (612): I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children. http://tfl.nu/5wvk
  Replies (16) Good night (3236) Bad night (898)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury

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  (248): he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury http://tfl.nu/93f6
  Replies (89) Good night (5563) Bad night (1304)
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  (631): View more from New York

  It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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  (631): It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself. http://tfl.nu/t99x
  Replies (16) Good night (3517) Bad night (886)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns

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  (734): If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns http://tfl.nu/c8s4
  Replies (23) Good night (864) Bad night (3249)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.

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  (212): You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido. http://tfl.nu/8t44
  Replies (36) Good night (1153) Bad night (5151)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

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  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (11196) Bad night (3079)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.

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  (713): If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free. http://tfl.nu/xcq7
  Replies (25) Good night (1461) Bad night (4491)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.

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  (203): Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room. http://tfl.nu/4omc
  Replies (10) Good night (2876) Bad night (1192)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.

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  (801): Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away. http://tfl.nu/018f
  Replies (8) Good night (1606) Bad night (731)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.

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  (309): We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously. http://tfl.nu/aavt
  Replies (6) Good night (1203) Bad night (466)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."

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  (239): Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..." http://tfl.nu/k8r7
  Replies (15) Good night (803) Bad night (2356)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"

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  (713): Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words" http://tfl.nu/ql9t
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (417)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away

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  (585): I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away http://tfl.nu/yv3a
  Replies (2) Good night (239) Bad night (497)
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  (+34): View more from Spain

  Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.

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  (+34): Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one. http://tfl.nu/wwjy
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out

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  (717): Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out http://tfl.nu/4ixo
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (217)

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