So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!