how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...