dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
