He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat