hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
