We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
