Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard