Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.