dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
