belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?