fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV