An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
