i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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