Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
