Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
