i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
