Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
even my farts smell like vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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