saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
