this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
