You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
