He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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