Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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