im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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